Angelica fled from a catholic school because she didn't fit in there due to her rough childhood losing her parents and her sisters. She ended up in the streets of London as a prostitute selling her body for the next fix. She got picked up and trafficked to Albania where she suddenly got the chance to fight for her self and the girls in the brothel and she took it and a nasty bunch of criminals suddenly felt the wrath of Angel in a bad temper!
I lost my family when I was 5. I never had a dad and I lost my sisters and my mom when our family was torn apart in 1993. I was placed in a catholic school with strangers and I missed my mom and my sisters like you won’t believe it. This is the story of…
The Hungry Ghost.
In time this family breakup became a huge void inside of me. It was dark and scaring and every time I was alone with this emptiness I was overpowered and got panic attacks because I figured this was how the rest of my life was going to be. I was terrified and I used drugs to fill that void but it only lasted for a few hours before ‘the beast’ wanted more.
I was sad most of the time. Lonely and didn’t dare to talk to anybody.
I wasn’t able to relate to other people. I always thought they would hurt me by leaving me and reinforcing my loneliness. I couldn’t let any one in to my life.
I got disconnected from my family. Got disconnected from my self and eventually disconnected from life and the only bonding I had was with my drugs. It is a sad replacement for relationships but the only thing I could manage to figure out.
Sadly most of us has addictions. How are you doing without your phone?
Some are food addicts. Others are sex addicts. Some are television addicts, shopaholics or workaholics. Others are sports fanatics, alcoholics, gamblers or can’t quit smoking. It pretty much always comes down to the same thing. We replace our relationships with other things. Often unhealthy things. Like coke and meth in my place.
This is the realm of The Hungry Ghosts! They live in the vacuum inside of us. They ARE that vacuum! We can feed them for ever or we can call them out!
As I described in detail here I had this huge moment when I rammed my knee into my prisoners balls. I suddenly felt so empowered and passioned that anything seemed possible. Before this moment I was an addict. After this moment I realized I was connected to my fellow sisters in capture and felt totally responsible for their freedom – and mine of course. I suddenly had a purpose. These girls suddenly depended on me. I felt so connected to my new found purpose that I did not even think of getting a new fix any more!
I used to be a victim. Abusing drugs and abusing myself. I tried not to abuse other people but I know I let them down. I was so disconnected from everything including my self, that I probably never would have found my way back if it hadn’t been for this tragic situation we were in. All my life I was sad and angry because of being isolated and lonely – but I didn’t know until now.
I was forced to be present and in that presence I discovered that my emptiness inside was NOT empty! It was filled with 20 years of repressed anger that wanted to get OUT! I used 20 years trying to escape this anger because I was afraid of it.
My anger exploded like a nuclear bomb when I hit that trafficking agent in his balls with my knee. His balls took twenty years of my anger savings. At that moment my mind was totally clear. It was the best fix ever! It was an OD! The old Angelica died and a new stronger and braver Angelica was reborn. I was free! And I was determined to stay free! This was my reconnect with Life! Reconnect with Purpose and Meaning! I was back! Fighting!
Fighting for my self and my fellow prisoners. I have never felt so great in my entire life before!
Bruce Alexander created Rat Park as an experiment on addicts and he showed that well functioning relationships are vital, because if we don’t have relations we tend to replace them with things that anesthetize us instead so we don’t feel the missing social connections. Just like the rats in his experiment.
I would like to end this story with a video from Johann Hari. He got it right. “The opposite of addiction is Connection!”
Thanks for reading!
Thousands of Youtubers complain that Youtube is removing their LEGITIMATE subscribers. And Youtube claims they are removing inactive subscribers.
NO Youtube you are NOT!!!!
Here is the documentation that you (tube) is wrong and the Youtubers a are right.
I created a Youtube channel for my games. I know I had 3 subscribers after a few days. Because I knew who they are!
At the same time Youtube said that I had ZERO subscribers!
So to test it I asked one of my subscribers to unsubscribe and this is the result:
She got this message that I have MINUS 1 SUBSCRIBER while the two other subscribers got the message that I had ZERO subs ALL THOUGH they both were subscribed!!!!
YouTube – You are FUCKED UP!
This is Debra – one of my subscribers. Youtube says that she subscribes and that I have ZERO subs!!!! Brilliant!
This is another friend I asked to unsubscribe. Before unsubscribing he told me I had ZERO subs and this is what he got after unsubscribing:
After resubscribing he got this one:
But after immediately refreshing his screen he got this one:
So it seems subscription are immediately ignored!
And this is from one of my subscribers. Her channel has -1 subscriber…
I still have ZERO subs even though 3 of my friends documented they are subscribed!!!!
YouTube fucks us all over and over!!! Thanks Youtube! Maybe you hire amateurs to develop this buggy shit. Maybe you just want us to pay for ads to get more subs….? Maybe you don’t know what you are doing. Maybe I think your greed is controlling Youtube!
The Wrath of an Angel – Trafficking is REAL!
Trafficking is real! Very, very real! The chances of you knowing someone who is secretly involved in trafficking are much higher than you want to believe. It could be one of your classmates who picks up women in airports or clubs. It could be the amateur photographer in your street. It could be your nice uncle who has child porn on his computer. It could be the local strip club that manages a handful of girls under the cover of being dancers. Maybe the geek next door is the administrator on the dating sites that pick up women. Maybe your neighbor’s van is used for transporting women or stolen children. Maybe you know people in customs or local police that are paid to look the other way.
I was lucky. Very, very lucky. Partly because I refused to give up and partly because my loving sisters found me! Almost no one escapes a trafficking ring mostly because the other girls are punished and raped if someone tries to escape.
Trafficking is the fastest growing business in the world!
Trafficking is a problem! A HUGE problem! And it is growing! It is the fastest growing business in the entire world! There are a few reasons for that.
- Drugs, illegal guns, and stolen cars can only be sold once. Women and children can be sold over and over again!
- Unfortunately, there is a market for this: Cheap labor, organ sales, illegal adoption, child soldiers, forced marriages, forced prostitution, etc.
- Unfortunately, there are people without any conscience that are willing to profit from other people’s sufferings. Ie. the traffickers themselves, corrupt politicians, law enforcement, and people who are silent about what they know. Braindead (or heart dead) people who want to profit regardless of other human’s sufferings.
- Remote areas and bad legislation make it easy to hide from law enforcement.
Pickup methods for trafficking. There are a number of ways to snatch people. Most people are lured into a trap they can’t escape but kids are often just physically stolen. Earlier women were picked up in foreign countries and trafficked far away from home to make it hard to escape. But some traffickers found it much easier to pick up traveling women. There are a lot of young women who want to travel and see the world before settling down and it is much cheaper to pick them up in bars, holiday resorts and clubs in the country they visit. This saves a lot of transportation, expenses to fake passports and local pick up people can drop women close to the pickup place which minimizes travel expenses a lot. The methods are:
- Young female travelers are being approached by a young charming male who lures them to a place where they are held back.
- Children being snatched from parents in crowded places in a moment of distraction.
- Dating sites and social media. Males try to win their trust, meeting women, and drop them in ‘secure’ houses.
- Fake job recruitment.
- Homeless children being abducted.
- Orphanages are often involved in supplying children.
- In poor countries, the pick-up guy can be anyone. Your uncle, brother in law, the neighbor. It can also be women!
Business model for trafficking. The money in this industry is at astronomic levels.
- Underage virgins are sold for $100.000 – $500.000 in auctions (live or internet) and are often killed and dumped right after. This option is for very rich people who care nothing about other people. To them, it is power and money. Virgins are often sold for half a million dollars.
- Women sold to prostitution.
- Children are sold to the porn industry. You can pay to watch children being molested and killed online!
- Children are sold for illegal adoption.
- CEO’s and rich people are kidnapped for ransom but this is rare and often used in African countries. A lot of athletes and football stars are from Africa and kidnapping their relatives and family is actually practiced.
A Real Man Defends Women and Children with his Life!
I made up my mind the day one of the girls tried to escape but was found by dogs less than an hour later. We were located in Albania in the middle of absofuckinglutely nowhere, so there wasn’t really anywhere to go. To set an example they threw her on a table in the basement in this godforsaken country house where we were locked up. Two men held her arms and they raped her with metal pipes and beat her up while she cried and begged for her life and the rest of us were forced to watch while they took turns in raping her. I can’t imagine in a hundred years how humiliating and how painful this must have been and it broke my heart in a way that made me so furious and angry that I swore to kill every single one of them in the most painful way I could find! These men were not humans to me anymore. Even calling them scumbags would be too nice.
At this point, I realized that begging for your life is futile. These guys simply take what they want no matter the consequence. So I figured this was the ‘language’ I had to use to ‘communicate’ with them. In other words, I would simply take what I want from them and besides my freedom, it would probably also include their lives!!! At that moment I realized that they couldn’t let us live to talk! One way or the other this was Death Avenue! And at this moment I stopped being an addict! No more drugs for me. No more feeling sorry for my self for having a tough life. No more excuses for not being fully responsible for my own life. No more sleepwalking through life and just letting things happen to me that confirmed that I was a victim and entitled to my pain. The chains that tied me to my past vanished like a fog on the moor when the sun rises. I realized in this golden moment that I was NOT my past! It was gone and only held me back because I wouldn’t let it go. I wasn’t ready. Until now! I woke up from a dull, dizzy, foggy life in self-inflicted pain. This moment was a full and complete STOP!
As they were raping Donnah I felt my power coming back. The power I gave away to be able to maintain a powerless victimized existence as a junkie came back like a tsunami and I felt stronger than I have ever felt my entire life! The more they raped her and the more they humiliated her the stronger I became and the harder I would let my anger hit these scumbags and would crush them like tiny ants. These assholes were already dead. They just hadn’t realized it yet!
Girls – Don’t do this at home. It is dangerous!
I made a plan! There were always at least three men in the house to guard the place, but they were eight in total. The others were usually in town or moving girls around so customers got new ‘merchandise’ regularly.
I didn’t have to wait long. The very next day we were – as usual alone with only three guards and I started to scream. Donnah was lying on a gross mattress barely alive and we took turns in holding her hand, wiping the blood off her, and keeping her clean. The girls were shit scared but I wouldn’t involve them in anything until after the guards were down. I was scared too but I had to look past that. I waited until I knew they were only two – sometimes one of them went out to take a piss or smoke or get something from the car which would make it easier for me. I remember I shouted while hammering the metal pipe into the staircase: “Come down here you mother fucking rapists!” And two of them did. The third was in the car and didn’t hear anything. They were always armed but they had their guns in their belt – center stomach. Not in a holster which would make it easy to take one of them.
I continued shouting like hell and began to hit the first man who approached me – and approach was exactly what I wanted him to do because that would make close contact so much easier. He grabbed my left arm and pulled me towards him – I could not have asked for a better move and my right leg accelerated to at least 200 miles an hour before my knee hit him like a runaway train and turned his balls into mashed potatoes! Until this point, I was terrified by fear but the moment my knee made contact with his balls, a feeling of success and determination filled my body and I just knew I could do this!
He didn’t say a word. His eyes turned totally white and right before he went down on his knees I grabbed his gun with my right hand, turned the safety off, and immediately shot his friend who probably never saw what hit him, in his chest. Then I pointed the gun to the head of the sucker that now looked like he would beg for his miserable life if he was able to speak. I simply fired the gun – execution-style and he left this horrible world in a hurry. Lucky him. I would seriously have liked to have had the opportunity to cut his balls off while he was still alive.
Of course, the shots alarmed the guy who was outside and he came running in fast, but I was prepared.
I simply put the metal pipe through the railing and he tumbled down the stairs headfirst. He was surprised and hurt himself while falling, but he was not down yet. Lying on the floor he tried to pull his gun but alas… I had two guns now and I emptied both mags in his rotten body. A hell of a noise but I was furiously mad and totally blinded by hate – which made it very easy to whack him. I never thought I would like to kill another human, but I have to admit I enjoyed this immensely! I felt totally on top of the situation as if it was a movie I was watching and everything was following a script. The anger made me sharp, clear and calm all at the same time. Anger can be very useful and I sure as hell was NOT going to be a victim anymore! Not ever!
The girls were totally surprised by this role change. All of a sudden we were in charge!
We grabbed all the weapons, ammo, food, and clothes we could find, took the van and simply drove away. This is where my plan ended. I didn’t know this country at all so now we had to improvise.
Luckily there was a map in the car and we went to Tirana which took a few hours. Wouldn’t trust the local police after this. I’m pretty sure they were paid to be cooperative and silent.
So shortly after arriving, I found a bar – thought it would be smarter to ask some locals for a place to lie low than just checking in to some random hotel. 10 girls like us would look rather suspicious doing that. The girl in the bar looked trustworthy so I told her directly what brought us here, asked her if she knew a place and then I just watched her reaction to see if she was on our side. She looked terrified but she knew that these things happened here. We ‘connected’ immediately and I felt I could trust her. Her name was Agnesa and she gave us some addresses – we had to split up into smaller groups.
Besides my past, I think we left quite a statement in that house in the mountains!
Only two days later my lovely sisters found me and we set out to destroy the rest of this dirty business, but that’s another story!
I have met a lot of men from all walks of life. I have met criminals, drug dealers, thieves, mafia bosses, soldiers and officers from many different countries, a few (corrupt) politicians and a lot of ordinary people. The vast majority of my encounters reflect pretty normal men who have the ability to be present and open to some degree. BUT some of them were very ambitious and some very ruthless in their way to prove themselves worthy of something they tried to achieve. These men all had one thing in common. They never experienced the presence of a dad.
This leaves the boy hurt, with a subtle feeling of failure that needs to be covered up and compensated for.
And it seems that the army – and the police force in the US in particular – attracts a certain kind of man. Men who did not have a solid, sensible father figure present in their childhood!
Now Egoes come in all shapes, forms, and sizes and I realize that some kind of ego is necessary to survive in this world – which is why the military can be great for ‘boys’ who need to develop the masculinity they never got from their father.
Most soldiers actually become more MEN by being a soldier – if we take out all the negative consequences it has to send young men overseas to kill other men. The trauma can actually break them instead and often does if you don’t put on your psychic armor and become a try-hard hard-ass! An empty shell.
My view on Trump is that he has one of these oversized, overcompensated egos. I bet his dad never sat down with his son and told him that he was the best thing that ever happened to him. That he would love him no matter what and that he was proud of him! I bet that he never spent a single day with his son to make him feel accepted, appreciated, recognized, and loved!
An oversized Ego is a sign of compensation. Always! No exception! The largest ego is the one who talks the most to cover up the lowest self-worth. The largest ego is the most shallow.
In everything, Trump says you can hear him say, “See me, Dad.” “Am I great or what”? “Are you proud of me now, dad”? “Do you love me”?
Our psychology (psyche) and history have one thing in common. They repeat themselves! We all know that history repeats itself. But not many have recognized that we as human beings always unconsciously try to go back in time to unfinished dramas to finish them. This means we try to recreate previous unfinished situations in order to make a more satisfying ending where we can feel accepted, appreciated, and loved, and unfortunately this does not really work. Well, it does actually, but it takes an insanely long time and maybe a lifetime of repeats before we wake up.
That’s why every achievement Donald makes has this subtle signature saying: Dad – see what I did. Acknowledge me! Do you love me now?
Mr. Trump! It seems you have been walking in circles all your life just to handle this single issue that your father wasn’t there for you.
You probably don’t want pity.
I’m sorry for you, Mr. Trump. All you ever wanted was Love and that was the only thing you never got…